Breaking Free from an Eating Disorder

The devil is very crafty. He researches our weaknesses, finds our most vulnerable spot, and pounces! He is a master of deception and will stop at nothing to make us believe his lies. That’s why he hates the truth so much; it exposes him for what he really is. The Bible teaches us that he is the father of lies and that we must put on the full armour of God to stand against him. But what does that mean…really?

I recently re-read a book called The Bondage Breaker by Neil T Anderson. Anderson understands what it means to put on the armour of God. He explains that we are not to engage the devil in a battle of strengths, only truths. There is no question that the devil has already been defeated; Christ defeated him and reigns victorious. So why do so many Christians still fall victim to his deception? Because he’s good at what he does! In order for us to break free from the bondages with which we are struggling, we need to know who we are in Christ and believe that Satan has no real power over us. Jesus said “I am the Truth (Jn.14:6)… and the Truth shall set you Free” (Jn.8:32). Amen! It is the belt of truth in our suit of God’s Armour that breaks the devil’s hold on us.

The first time I read The Bondage Breaker, I found freedom in some real, but superficial confines that I had allowed to hinder my life. I was released from certain areas of power that I had unconsciously given to Satan. But, this book, like any great tool, is only as good as the one using it. There was more that I didn’t address the first time that I would the second.

I’ve always been an insecure girl. I wasn’t the smartest, or the prettiest, or the most athletic, but I was always the skinniest. Skinniest became my identity without my even realizing it. I become obsessed with my appearance. I loved the attention from people even when it wasn’t the most positive. My appearance was who I was, and the idea of losing myself terrified me. When I was a teenager, I began to feel sick whenever I ate, so I would vomit and then I would feel better. I truly believed myself to be sickly. I did not recognize this behaviour for what it was. It also became increasingly difficult for me to eat in front of anyone unless they were very close to me. It wasn’t long before my control was gone; food and its consumption ruled my life. I was bulimic, and things were on the road to getting worse. I spent hours and hours at the gym. I told myself that I was doing the right thing to keep my body “fit and strong” when really I was doing what would keep my body juvenile and thin. Bondage is not pretty.

In an effort to feel in control, I needed to know how much body fat I had at all times. So I signed up to be a part of a lifestyle health and fitness study. Part of the program, the only part that mattered to me, was fat caliper testing. What I didn’t know was that I would also be required to keep a log of all of my physical activity and of everything I put in my mouth. I met once a week with a counselor to disclose all that I had eaten and all I had done, in order to have my percentage of body fat calculated. It did not take long for her to figure out that I needed help, and she offered it to me. Thank you, God! I was 21 and had many years of bad habits to try to break free from, most dangerously my vomiting. It took me seven years to completely stop. But I did stop.

Now you may think that this chapter of my story is over, except that age, having children, inactivity, and poor eating habits have dramatically changed my body. There are still days when I have to continually convince myself not to fall back into my old patterns. There have been days all too recently when I have consumed nothing but coffee and been extremely proud of my “willpower.”

Eventually, I came to realize that this was an area I had never relinquished control over to God. By trying to handle this issue myself, I had given Satan a massive foothold in my life. Somewhere along the way I had equated skinniness with worthiness. And once I had done that, the devil had no problem reminding me of this lie. I never thought that this struggle was a spiritual thing, but it is. So, now that I better understand the bondage I’ve been under, what have I done? I’ve asked God for release from it. I’ve confided in Him all that I have told you and more. I’ve apologized for not respecting the body He gave me. I’ve apologized for being so vain and proud, and I’ve asked Him to help me, to teach me to be moderate. I’ve never learned moderation well. I’ve always been an all or nothing girl. But I have finally given up control and it has liberated me beyond my highest hopes. I had excluded God from this struggle for far too long.

Now everyday when I wake up, I thank God for my life and I give it back to Him. And each time a thought comes into my mind about food that is detrimental to my wellbeing, I stand with the belt of truth firmly tied at my waist. I am not worthy because of my appearance, but because I have accepted the Saviour who died for me. When I am weak, I pray for God to give me strength. I have given control to the One and Only who is to be fully trusted. I have taken up the Armour of God and Satan has lost this battle. Thank you, Lord!

by Lorrie Zachkewich